


So Bright and Warm and Beautiful

by deluxekyluxtrashcan (rhoen)



Series: The Mistakes We Made [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M, One Night Stands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 03:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6267757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhoen/pseuds/deluxekyluxtrashcan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After months of standoffishness and apparent disdain for each other, which on Kylo's part were used to try and hide what he really feels for Hux, Kylo wakes up next to Hux.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Bright and Warm and Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd. There will be mistakes.
> 
> For the prompt: "I think I made a mistake" + modern AU. They're university students in this, although I've not directly referenced that in any way, so read it however you like.
> 
> Let's see if this helps drag me out of the stagnant state I'm in...
> 
> > **Do not translate or repost this fic without my permission.**. Ask if you'd like to translate it. Linking to it with a short snipped it okay though!

Kylo feels a little too warm when he wakes, keeping his eyes shut against the intrusive light. The covers are stifling, the sun falling hotly on his cheek, and the body beside him is like a furnace. He shifts, pushing the covers away to expose his bare skin to cool air.

 _Oh_.

He’s naked.

It takes Kylo a moment more to remember what happened, and he smiles when he does, opening his eyes a crack and fighting the sun’s glare to take in the red hair and soft, pale beauty of the man sleeping soundly next to him. Hux is lying on his back, his lips gently parted and his hair ruffled by the pillow. He looks so soft and disarming; vulnerable, almost. Kylo feels almost giddy as he snakes an arm tentatively across Hux’s slender stomach, pressing closer and forgetting his previous discomfort. How long has it been, he wonders. How long has he spent wanting this; wanting Hux? How many nights of loneliness and heartache and longing has he endured to at last be rewarded with the closeness he has now?

He lets his eyes fall closed as he sifts over the memories of last night, trying to put them in order as he’s lulled by Hux’s steady heartbeat and the rise and fall of his chest. Kylo’s actions some hours ago had been distorted by alcohol, but were no less true. He’d always hoped for Hux to truly notice him, and last night, somehow, he’d been granted his wish.

He’s glad that the tension between them is gone. The moment it dissipated last night is a strong, consuming memory, and the feeling of fear and excitement beating wildly in his chest returns as Kylo lingers on that moment. They’d been so close, both suddenly aware of what was about to happen, and Kylo’s mind had been screaming: begging and pleading for Hux to lean in and kiss him; to please put him out of his misery and claim him, never ever letting go again. He’d been so afraid that Hux would read his desire and mock him for it, while at the same time feared Hux kissing him because, now that he was so close to what he longed for, he suddenly didn’t know if he was good enough, or how he’d survive if it was taken away again.

The tension between them had always felt like distain on Hux’s part. On Kylo’s, he’d dredged up cutting remarks and sneering looks he still hates himself for giving. Lashing out was the only defence he had; it’s still is. And some twisted part of it had felt justified: Hux hurt him, so it was only fair that Kylo hurt him back.

He is never going to do that again.

Hux had kissed him desperately, as if he needed Kylo, grasping a fistful of Kylo’s hair and clothing as he crushed their lips together, a small sound of what was perhaps relief escaping him; Kylo wasn’t sure. He’d been too consumed by what was happening, and by his own need. They kissed so roughly, pressing and grinding against each other as they did, that their lips were bruised, teeth clashing and catching on delicate skin. The bittersweet taste of Hux filled Kylo’s senses, the warmth of his body almost making him tremble. He didn’t know how to let go. He didn’t wanted to.

He still doesn’t.

Kylo is still smiling, tracing over the intimate, fragile memories of last night, when Hux stirs. He shifts, giving a soft huff of annoyance and then makes to roll over. Halfway through the action, he clearly realises that he’s not alone and stills completely.

Kylo - happy, warm, and hopeful - smiles at him.

The look of horror on Hux’s face when he opens his eyes and sees Kylo turns Kylo’s blood to ice, his stomach plummeting sickeningly and breath catching in his throat.

“Shit,” Hux breathes. Almost instantly he’s stilling up, pulling away, and pain pierces through Kylo’s heart at the rejection. He’s too stunned - too abruptly torn from tranquility - to do anything as Hux moves to sit the edge of the bed, resting his face in his hands. Naked, his back is still littered with marks Kylo left, the ridges of his spine protruding as he sits hunched over.

“I think I made a mistake.”

Kylo knows Hux isn’t talking to him, but he still reaches out desperately as Hux bends even further, reaching for the clothing on the floor.

“Hux, wait! Please!”

Hux shakes off Kylo’s touch, otherwise ignoring him, and Kylo pushes himself into a sitting position, ignoring the physical discomfort as Hux starts dressing. Something inside him is breaking. Despite the warm sunlight and the softness of the early morning, everything feels unbearably cold.

“I don’t want you to- ”

He stops short as Hux turns, his glare cutting him off. His eyes are so cold and unforgiving, distaste rolling off of him in waves.

Kylo looks down as he swallows around the lump in his throat with difficulty, wondering if he’s going to be sick. He can’t look at Hux. He can’t see the way he’s looking at him.

“...tell anyone. Don’t tell anyone.”

Hux huffs at Kylo’s words. “As if I want it known I slept with someone like you.”

Kylo can barely move his tongue to form a weak reply. “Good.”

The word was supposed to be spoken with contempt, but instead hangs pathetically in the air between them, devoid of any malice. It does nothing to defend Kylo, and a second later it flickers and disappears, leaving him exposed.

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” Kylo mutters, turning away and hoping the physical action will help put his distress behind him. He falls too heavily to the bed, jarring his head, and reaches for the covers, pulling them up over his pitiful form. He lies there, wondering how he can still breathe through the pain, and listens to the sound of Hux moving around the room, gathering up and donning his clothes.

A warm, wet pool forms on the pillow as silent tears stream over Kylo’s face, his body trembling with the effort of restraining sobs.

Hux doesn’t notice. Hux doesn’t care.

Kylo listens to the sound of him leaving, now barely able to hold himself together.

Two seconds after the bedroom door clicks shut, he falls apart. He doesn’t have the strength to hold back any more, or to muffle the pained cries that tear from his throat as he curls up in a pathetic ball, sobbing freely. He’s helpless under the weight of rejection, and at the horror of just how quickly something so bright and warm and beautiful can be destroyed.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also on [tumblr](http://deluxekyluxtrashcan.tumblr.com).


End file.
